LDRs Suck!

Dear Miss U,

I'm a boy from India and she's from US. She met me online and loves me truly and I love her too. We both cannot live without each other and I wanted to go to the US to meet her and I want to work there and live with her but I don't know how I can be there. She says it's hard to go there because you cannot get a job in the US easily.

I'm worried now. I don't know what to do.

This LDR sometimes sucks.
Daredevil

Dear Daredevil,

Just because it isn’t easy doesn’t mean it can’t be done.

To have better chances at a job, you’re going to want to be qualified in something. Alternatively, sometimes it’s possible to get visas to other countries for study, or through marriage.

I’ve never needed a visa for the USA, Mr. E is from Canada and I’m Australian, but the process is still long and expensive wherever you are from. There is a lot of confusing paperwork; they want to know everything from where you’ve traveled to who you’ve dated in the past, to when you last shat. I’m not going to lie and pretend like it’s fun. It isn’t.

But it certainly is possible, thousands of people do it successfully every year!

What you need to do is go to the relevant government website, download their guides and forms, and make a checklist of everything you need to have in order to apply. Make a solid plan, on paper, and then focus on one step at a time until it is done. Expect it to take a year, at the very least. Don’t think you can start at noon and be moving to the US by dinner time, you’re in for the long haul.

International long distance takes patience and dedication, if you don’t have those things, get out now while you still can.

Speaking of patience, you’ve been together a mere three months. Even if you’ve spent all day every day online together in that time, you’re still little better than strangers at this point, so I’d recommend chilling out a little. By all means start your visa process, gathering your documents and stuff, but at this point, you really just need to focus on getting to know each other and making sure this relationship is worth moving for. There’s no reason to rush.

Right now your focus should be on meeting for the first time, visiting her country - and her visiting yours! - and seeing if you’re as compatible in person as online. It’s easier (at least in Australia) to get a visa and have the government take your relationship seriously if you have actually met face to face. They want to see pictures too, so make sure you take pictures together with friends and family.

LDR can suck. It’s not for the faint of heart, but it’s so worth it when you come out the other side with the perfect person for you. Don’t lose faith!

In kindness,

Dear Miss U, He lives in America and I live in the UK. We really want to be together but we’re not really sure how to go about it, all the legal stuff is confusing you know? He wants to move here and stay with me, we’ve been looking up what we need but it’s all just kind of confusing. We just want to be together, I didn’t think it would be this hard. I was hoping you might know what to do or have some advice? [read more: Mt. Visamore]
Dear Miss U, ...Both my attempts at getting a Visa were refused. I will not be seeing him in exactly a week like I thought I would. I can’t apply again because there is no time. I shouldn’t have been denied the Visa (since I meet all requirements) and I can appeal but it will take weeks to straighten out... [read more: A Thing About Visas]

About the Author

Miss U

Miriam Cumming is a writer, witch, and LDR survivor with more than a decade of trans-Pacific experience. She’s currently living in paradise with her one true love and their three little gentlewomen where she indulges in coffee, tattoos, and World of Warcraft. You can learn more about her writing and LDR success from her blog The Wicce Writes.