Miss You Issues: Live for Yourself - Long Distance Relationship Advice

Dear Miss U,

My boyfriend and I have been dating for a while. I am in New York and he lives in Haiti. We had become friends when I had gone to Haiti as a kid around the age of 12. We had lost touch for about 7 years. Two years ago, I had gone to Haiti and I saw him. We kept contact, but I told him we could not be together because of the distance. Last year, we stopped talking for 3 or so months. And that was when I realized how important he was to me. I decided to take the chance with him. I have never been happier. I recently went to see him behind my parents back while I am in college. After that, I decided to tell my mother and she does not approve one bit. She says he is not someone that can help me in life because he does not have money (What do you expect Haiti is a poor country). He is just gonna leave me and I need to get the idea of being with him out of my head because if it is for her and my father, that relationship will never happen. I plan on bringing him here, but I know that once I do that, I will get shunned by my family. Is there anything I can do to show her that it is not about money? I do not want her to stress me and somehow force me to leave him, but I also do not want to ruin my relationship with my mother.

Saint Cyr

Dear Saint Cyr,

You’re a strong independent woman who can earn her own money, you don’t need to marry a rich man and spend your life washing his socks or something. Unfortunately, I haven’t discovered the secret of getting people to see past the outdated misconception that a good provider trumps love. If there are magic words you can say to make your parents understand I don’t know what they are, and I’m sorry for that.

All I can tell you is to have courage. You must live your life for yourself, even when that’s lonely and scary.

There’s no reason he can’t work hard and earn lots of money once you’ve given him the helping hand he needs. You’re not doomed to a life of poverty just because he isn’t starting out wealthy. I hope that over time your parents will see how happy you are with him, and come to realize that a man that treats you with respect and kindness is what is important.

Remember that your parents want what is best for you, even if they have a different idea of what that is.

All you can do is live your life, be happy, and keep the door open to her so that when she’s ready to accept that her baby is now a woman you can reconcile and build your relationship up again.

Dear Miss U,

I have been talking to a man for about three months now and he is of the Marines Corps background. He has been in for 5 years now and is about to deploy in a couple of months. We hit a rough patch over the time we got to spend together while we were both back in our hometowns. He seemed like a very different person when I got spend time in person with him, and I don’t know whether he’s pushing me away because of past bad experiences, issues, and so-called “walls built up around him.” I truly care about him, but ever since we went our separate ways again, he’s been distant and non-responsive. I cannot tell if this lack of communication is because of his military life or if he is finished talking to me. I don’t know whether to stay or leave. I want to be there for him and stay, but I don’t want to get hurt in the end. Also, I feel as though my lack of dating/knowledge of military life is a huge barrier between us – currently trying my very best to research every little thing I can to ease the ignorance and maybe understand what is happening.

If you could shed some light or advice onto my situation I would greatly appreciate it. He’s truly an amazing man and I don’t want to lose him.

Fallen and Confused

Hi Fallen and Confused,

The only person who can tell you how he feels is him. You’re going to have to tell him you’ve noticed the disconnect and ask him if he’s trying to distance himself from you, if he’s done with this relationship or if he’s just insanely busy. Perhaps he’s just gotten comfortable with the relationship and has started taking it for granted a little, it’s possible he hasn’t even noticed he’s been acting differently.

The thing is with all relationships is for them to succeed you have to take the guesswork out. You have to admit that you don’t know everything and discuss how you feel – even when it’s uncomfortable.

I’ve never been in a military relationship and it’s definitely not my area of expertise. Luckily there’s no reason why he shouldn’t be willing to answer your questions because it’s his relationship too and it benefits him for you to know.

Just be honest with him. If he’s as amazing as you say he’s not going to belittle you for asking.

What do you think? Let us know in the comments below!

About the Author

Miss U

Miriam Cumming is a writer, witch, and LDR survivor with more than a decade of trans-Pacific experience. She’s currently living in paradise with her one true love and their three little gentlewomen where she indulges in coffee, tattoos, and World of Warcraft. You can learn more about her writing and LDR success from her blog The Wicce Writes.