Long waits & U

Dear Miss U,

I have been in a LDR for about 2 years. The guy is amazing and perfect for me, but we live 1000+ miles apart. I go to school in Arizona and he has a 5 year apprenticeship in Illinois. Neither of us has the money or ability to move. The best case scenario is we will live together in about five years’ time.

All of my friends around me have boyfriends and tell me all their plans; moving in together, getting a dog, getting engaged, taking vacations etc. I’m getting weary of hearing about what they get to do, while I won’t be able to do these things for at least another 5 years. Every time he visits I spend more time crying about him leaving than I do enjoying my time with him. I am constantly envious of the couples around me, and I spend more time crying now-a-days than I ever have before.

I’m at a loss for what to do because he is the perfect guy for me aside from the distance. How can I end it with someone I really want to be with when the only fault he has is geographical location? How can I break up with him when the only thing I want to do is get closer? Should I end it?

Hopeless in love

There is always hope, Hopeless in Love.

What this tells me isn’t that you should break up – it tells me you need a better plan. Breaking up over the distance has never made any sense to me. It’s basically saying “I don’t see you enough so I never want to see you again.” Huh? Makes no sense. Distance is fixable. Save the breakups for problems that can’t be worked though.

I hear every day “We can’t move together” and “We don’t have the money”, well the good thing about money is you can always make more of it, and most people can learn a lot of things that will make the money they do have go further. I advise people not to get it set in their minds that they can’t close the distance, but rather that they are going to. Then instead of shooting themselves down, to look at moving as if it’s something that has to be done and make the necessary changes to have it happen. Yes, it’s likely you will have to make sacrifices; big sacrifices. What would have to happen if one of you had no choice but to move? Ask yourself what is more important to you both, each other or the things that are keeping you apart?

If the relationship is not important enough for you to make those sacrifices, and you feel like you can’t do the distance another five years (and no one would blame you, five years is a long time. A lot can happen in five years, and a lot could be missed out on.) then breaking up is really the only option left unfortunately. Let that be a last resort though. People seem to think partners are disposable these days, and while they are replaceable, I feel that people don’t work as hard on their relationships as they should. People hold back a lot, too afraid to give it their all in case it falls apart. Whilst it is smart to always plan for the worst, not trying out of fear or failing always equals failure in the end.

Your life is controlled by your choices.

Dear Miss U,

I am 16, almost 17 and a little over a year ago I met this interesting guy online. He was 17 and now he is almost 19. We instantly became friends. We have never met though. We talk every day and we Skype. Almost every night he calls me and talks to me before bed. He lives a few states away. I’m worried because we have this amazing connection but we are young and haven’t met. I feel like we will be friends forever but I have to be realistic, it might never work out. We both agreed that we are too young to meet just yet. It is very hard because I don’t know how it’s going to end. All I know is that he is wonderful to me and a great friend! Could you help me get through this with some advice?

Vienna

You need to enjoy what you do have Vienna, and worry about the rest later.

I know a lot of couples who take a few years to meet and are none the worse for it, you will both know when you are ready and “old enough”. There’s plenty of time. Get to know each other as much as possible while apart. Lay the ground work for making a visit, research, plan, be prepared. I assume your family and friends know about the relationship, but if not use this time to ease them into it. All you can really do is try not to worry needlessly and just enjoy your relationship as it is.

Yes, it might not work out. But all relationships have that risk. Love is a risk worth taking.

Don’t sweat the petty things, and don’t pet the sweaty things!

What do you think? Let us know in the comments below!

About the Author

Miss U

Miriam Cumming is a writer, witch, and LDR survivor with more than a decade of trans-Pacific experience. She’s currently living in paradise with her one true love and their three little gentlewomen where she indulges in coffee, tattoos, and World of Warcraft. You can learn more about her writing and LDR success from her blog The Wicce Writes.