Making it Official

Dear Miss U,

I met him on Tinder about 2 years ago. I live in Holland and he’s from Mexico. Slowly we started texting more and more and calling. Because of the distance, we still didn’t meet. 6 months ago he planned his trip to Holland and we’ve both been really looking forward to it. Two weeks ago we met for the first time; we spent a week together. After we said goodbye, he made a video about how thankful he is for the great time he had, and that he hopes our friendship and relationship will last a lot in the future and hopes to see each other again. He also wrote a letter thanking me. He met my mother as well.

I miss him a lot! We’ve been texting every day since. He even said that he was thinking about the future and in a while, he would love to have a child with me. But he hasn’t asked me to be his girlfriend yet. It’s the first time I’m dating someone, so it’s all very new. In the video he said he hoped the relationship lasts a lot, was a bit confused because he hasn’t asked me to be my girlfriend. Maybe he meant to say dating with it. But is it normal to wait this long?

Jenna

Dear Jenna,

Not everyone has a set start date. Some people never discuss “going steady” or any of that. He might never intend to ask you to be his girlfriend, because you are his girlfriend in his mind. Has he said at any point that you’re not official? Is he still dating other people?

It sounds like you just need to ask him where you stand. Tell him you want to claim him for your own, you want to be exclusive, you want to be girlfriend and boyfriend. Say it in clear terms. This isn’t a proposal. You don’t need to wait for him to ask, and you don’t need to be coy. Maybe he will say he’s not ready yet, but at least he will know you’re interested and you will know where he is at emotionally.

As to how long is normal, I have no idea. Maybe people will tell you in the comments. For Mr. E and I, it was a few years, but we were quite young and I was dating someone else besides. Good things are worth waiting for.

Either way, ask. There should be nothing you can’t talk about with your special person.

Dear Miss U,

My boyfriend broke up with me yesterday. He told my friend to tell me that he lost feelings for me and that he wanted to break up with me but he couldn’t tell me. He and I haven’t seen each other because we're on summer break but we try texting each other. We texted last week and he was fine he told me he loved me that he missed me and we had a good conversation. I think he still has feelings for me because he and I are very close. Therefore I want to be friends but I’m not sure if he does. How should I ask him? Do you think he really lost interest? And also why couldn’t he tell me instead of my best friend?

Ashley

Hi Ashley,

I think he told your best friend and not you because he’s a coward, and too immature to actually be dating, if I’m being honest.

If you want to remain friends, all you need to do is call or text him and say, “I’m interested in being friends, do you want to do that?” You’re an adult; you don’t need to play games. Just state what you want, and hopefully, he will have the balls to answer you truthfully.

As to if he lost interest, I can’t think of a reason for him to lie. But whatever the reason, he no longer wants to date you, and though that hurts now I have to say that there are much better partners out there. He’s doing you a favor by freeing you up to find them. You want someone who can communicate with you even about the hard things and who respects you enough to speak directly to you rather than pass messages. A partner who does more to maintain the relationship than just texting a couple of times a week.

I’m sorry you’re going through this sad and confusing time, but I promise you’ll find a way forward from here.

Wishing you all the best,

Dear Miss U, We have a 7 hour time difference. She works during the day but I don’t. I stay awake until 6am to talk to her because she seems sad when I leave but when it comes to her, she sleeps her time at 10 pm, like lol? Should I cut the shit and leave her? Because I am tired of putting much more but always end up heartbroken… [read more: Make or Break?]
Dear Miss U, I love my girlfriend (girl & girl). She is amazing. We met in August of last year and started dating a month later. We’re still together today, but it’s been difficult. She moved back to her home country (Europe) in January and it’s been so hard. I live in the US. I feel like we just lose sight of why we love each other when we’re apart. I’ve visited her once in the past 3 months and when I arrived we were fine, nothing changed, love was back to normal. But the separation is hard. The lack of physical contact is so hard… [read more: Is it worth it?]

About the Author

Miss U

Miriam Cumming is a writer, witch, and LDR survivor with more than a decade of trans-Pacific experience. She’s currently living in paradise with her one true love and their three little gentlewomen where she indulges in coffee, tattoos, and World of Warcraft. You can learn more about her writing and LDR success from her blog The Wicce Writes.