Miss You Issues: Maybe Not No - Long Distance Relationship Advice

Dear Miss U,

My question is how do these relationships start? I met this guy a 9 days ago in my hometown, but he was spending his last week here. We met, fell for each other, and we both realized that we are the ones meant for each other… But we only had 6 days to spend together, which were the best days of our lives. Now he is gone, and we didn’t really have ‘the talk’ yet. I mean he said he wants to keep in touch, and he wants to come back sometime, and that I should visit him in the summer, but we didn’t say we are dating, nor did we speak about commitment, exclusivity, etc. What should we (or rather I) do now? Am I in a long distance relationship yet? I want to be, because he is totally worth it, but how does that happen? How can we, or I, make that happen?

BTW The day after he left he messaged me on Facebook and we had some small talk, but should I initiate the next conversation or should I wait for him to do so? I have the same question about initiating the first visit to each other. I have no idea. This situation is crazy, because we are already in love but we have only been dating for days… Or we are not even dating yet. So which one is better, if I act like a lady and let him chase me, or if I’m a bit more outspoken and I show him I really care? Help me please!

A really confused girl from Europe

Hey Girl!

Acting like a lady is over rated and possibly out dated; there’s nothing wrong with honestly admitting you care. With that said, he might feel things are progressing too quickly, and you need to be ready emotionally to hear that. Remember there’s a big difference between “slow down” and “stop.”

I would consider you already in a relationship, as there are many levels of dating and not all of those are of the exclusive and committed variety. Lightly let him know you would like to be on the same page about things and ask him straight up.

If you want this to work, don’t play games. You don’t have to wait three days between phone calls or play hard to get or any of that garbage, just treat him like a person and expect the same in return. As for visits, it’s nice to have a plan to see each other again. He’s already spoken about you visiting in the summer, so perhaps that’s the best place to open the subject.

Dear Miss U,

I am writing this letter for me to be endurable of this LDR struggle.

We are a couple since college, we lived together for almost a year and decided to resign to our jobs to find work abroad. Luckily I got the chance first to work abroad and my bf was not able to work abroad.

My question is we were always fighting with each other and talk after two to three weeks. I don’t feel loved anymore by choosing not to communicate me. I am badly emotionally affected every time I think that he can bear not to text me or call me. Will this work out? Or I will let him go?

Loner in the desert

Hi Loner,

This can still work out if you get to the root of your argument, which I suspect is that he’s unable to work abroad and resents that knowing this you have not returned home. Of course, I could be way off base with that guess.

Talk to him. Figure out why you are fighting. Find a way to solve the problem, or if neither of you are willing to do what it takes to repair the relationship then let him go.

Dear Miss U,

I have been dating my boyfriend for about three months. We see each other once a week or once every two weeks, depending on each other’s schedules being the distance is there, but only two hours’ worth. For some reason I have been struggling with my feelings for him. Two weeks ago I was so over the top in love with him, and then all of a sudden it started to feel weird…. Like I was forcing it. I saw him once and it got better, then we had a fight, and then I saw him recently and only cried to him about it because I wasn’t sure why I felt like this. Could it be because of the distance, things are getting dull? Or maybe I have commitment issues and I’m scared of the future? We are going to the same college in two months, should I stick it out and wait to see how I feel? I feel as if I don’t want to be without him, but I feel oddly unsatisfied and scared and sick at the same time. I really was so in love with him just two weeks ago; can it change that quickly? I have never been so scared, and I don’t know who to ask anymore. All I want to do is feel how I felt before.

Alyssa

Dear Alyssa,

Emotions are fluid, they ebb and flow like water. Sometimes they are a tsunami, and other times it may as well be a desert. Like liquid, they are shaped by the environment too, if you’re stressed or sick or sleeping badly, etc. I find that understanding this and being kind to oneself are key.

I would recommend sticking it out for the two months, so when you make the decision you are confident you’ve made the best choice.