Miss You Issues: Mystery Girl - Long Distance Relationship Advice

Dear Miss U,

My sweetheart, (we’ll call “B”), after 6 months and one canceled meeting, by her, still won’t tell me her last name, her address, or her workplace. She knows mine. I’ve never given her a reason to believe I would stalk her or bother her. We have emailed, chatted, and used video chat. Except she won’t provide an image. Says she has no camera. She has a phone. Also, she never answers her phone when I call.

She says she loves me more than anything. We also, umm, do the cybersex thing. I’m not so keen about that.

When my work comes between us, she gets an attitude. I hope I’ve provided enough info from my perspective.

Thank you,
Uninformed in Goodyear

Dear Uninformed,
Six months honestly isn’t that long. Clearly her privacy – indeed her safety – are very important to her. Maybe that’s due to a bad experience in her past, or a fear of technology, or some other reason she may or may not disclose. Whatever the reason, she doesn’t owe you anything regardless of how open you are with her, and it’s important for you to remember that. She’s not obligated to provide this information. She’s not obligated to progress this relationship at a pace she is not comfortable with.

With that said, you’re not obligated to do things in the relationship you’re not comfortable with either. If you don’t enjoy cybersex, find a different way to satisfy each other’s needs and be intimate. Have a conversation – or ten – about it.

How is she supposed to feel when your work keeps you away? Have you spoken to her about how her reaction to your work situation makes you feel, particularly in light of the fact she’s unwilling to progress this relationship by meeting or sharing details?

I hope I’ve managed to provide some insight; I’m not clear on what your question is.

Dear Miss U,

I met someone in person 12 years ago. We knew each other for a short time. He was involved at that time so there was nothing there between us. Fast forward to now. I randomly thought of him and found him on Facebook. We have been messaging for the last week with only a day without. It’s mostly day to day chatter and catching up on life for the last many years. When I first met him I loved that he was so loyal to his then girlfriend and he seemed like a really genuine guy. Even today he is still that guy and there is so much more I’ve learned that I really like in him as a person. Still loyal and a devoted father of 2 and single for 2 years now. I feel like I would love to try out a relationship with him but I haven’t the slightest clue if it’s even possible. He lives across the country from me and we haven’t even talked on the phone at all. It may seem silly but I am so drawn to so much about his personality and character. I guess my question is, how do I even begin to pursue this or if I even should?

-Expecting too much?

Dear EtM?
You have already begun to pursue this. All that is needed is that you stay in contact and be your authentic self; if there’s something between you it will grow. Opportunities will present themselves for you to mention how you feel. Ask him how he feels about long distance relationships; or if you’re feeling brave, ask him if he’s ready to start dating again.
Long distance isn’t easy, nor will closing the distance be if you also have kids that you share custody of, but it’s certainly possible and rewarding. If he makes you happy, go after him!

What do you think? Let us know in the comments below!

About the Author

Miss U

Miriam Cumming is a writer, witch, and LDR survivor with more than a decade of trans-Pacific experience. She’s currently living in paradise with her one true love and their three little gentlewomen where she indulges in coffee, tattoos, and World of Warcraft. You can learn more about her writing and LDR success from her blog The Wicce Writes.