Miss You Issues: Nagging Thoughts - Long Distance Relationship Advice

Dear Miss U,

I’m wanting more from my boyfriend. I’d really like to get married and start settling down. My family brought up a few concerns that I’m not sure if I should ignore or not. My family seems to think I should get a prenup. I hadn’t thought about it until they said it and I guess I’m not naive and I do know these days there is a higher risk of divorce. I’d like to think my SO isn’t like this, but I guess it is a worry these days. I’m not sure how to even bring it up as I’m worried he’ll be offended. I guess my questions are 1) should I be seriously considering a prenup? And 2) how do I even begin to discuss this with him?
Stressed

Dear Stressed,

If there is an uneven balance of assets in your relationship it makes sense to get a prenup. I want to believe in marriage being forever and I want to trust that everyone is getting married for the right reasons. I like to think everyone knows their spouse inside and out and that nothing traumatic will happen that will break the relationship. But I don’t know for sure. None of us can ever know for sure. And in a world where women earn less and retire with less… I think if you can protect yourself and you have assets worth protecting then by all means go and get a prenup.

The angle I would suggest approaching this with your partner would be “it will show my family beyond all doubt that you hold my best interests at heart”. Be honest about your fear of offending him and show him that his feelings are a high priority for you as you discuss together the pros and cons.

Dear Miss U,

We met on my week long trip to Paris and instantly connected. Although we haven’t formally been dating, we have been speaking extremely often and seem to be on the same page. The more we talk the more I really like him and it’s scary. He said he would visit in December. The problem is, he’s recently moved to Spain for school and I feel like an idiot even considering this to be doable. My mind is constantly going back and forth – every time I’m happy about the situation I start to get mad at myself for feeling this way. How do you deal with these kinds of emotions?

Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

With the level of technology we currently enjoy the world has gotten smaller, or at least more accessible. What was once craziness is now just expensive and inconvenient. There’s no reason you can’t make it work, and even if the relationship doesn’t last into old age it will make for a good story. If you’re having fun; if he makes your heart race, puts a smile on your face and makes you dream big then you’re going in the right direction. Allow yourself to have fun and take risks – verbally in front of a mirror if necessary!

Worry is like a rocking horse, it gives you something to do but doesn’t get you anywhere.

Dear Miss U,

I recently got a new job and had to move very soon after I got into this new relationship. I knew it would be hard but all we had to do was make it until about February when he would be moving with me. Fine. But it’s been two weeks since I’ve seen him and I find myself getting annoyed with him when he calls me all the time or texts me about nothing. I just feel like we aren’t connecting. I’m almost questioning if the relationship will work out. I don’t want him to uproot his life to move in with me if I’m not even 100% sure anymore that it’ll work. Up until my move, I was sure I wanted to marry him. Now I’m not so sure. I don’t feel like I can talk to him about this because he’s so set on moving and he would freak out if I expressed any of this. How do I handle it?

Confused

Dear Confused,

Perhaps it is the quality and quantity of the communication, not the person, that irritates you so much? If you didn’t call or text much before it might come across stifling now, or even inane. It’s a hard balance to strike too. If you don’t share enough of the small parts of your days you risk feeling disconnected, but if you’re getting a play-by-play that’s going to drive you away too.

The best you can do is meditate on exactly what the problem is, and when you’ve figured that out gently instigate a conversation about improving your contact. Remember too you don’t always have to be talking, you can play games together, read or watch TV together, and a whole heap of other activities.

Try to address your problems first, before suggesting the move is a terrible idea.