Miss You Issues: No Fun! - Long Distance Relationship Advice

Dear Miss U,

My partner and I have been together a little bit less than two years. We met online and haven’t been able to meet in person yet because he lives in Australia and I live in America and finding the time and money to take that kind of trip is a struggle for both of us. Until recently we seemed so connected and happy. But it seems that we are losing that bond and connection. We both still acknowledge the fact that we love each other and care about each other in a way that we know we can and will make this work. Yet some days it seems like things are one sided if I didn’t make an honest effort to make things more enjoyable our conversations wouldn’t be more than going so back and forth. The effort is starting to cause me to rethink about if it is worth it anymore. Do you have any advice for ways not to feel that way? Or to keep things a little more fun and interesting?

Thanks,

International trouble

Dear International Trouble,

The answer is in DOING things together rather than just talking. Have fun together, laugh together. One of you could read to the other, or you could play a game together online. You can even watch stand-up together on Youtube if you’re really hard up for fun! If you start really enjoying your time together and looking forward to speaking again it goes a long way towards making the effort feel worth it.

Secondly, start planning that trip. Get your budget down on paper. Even if you’re only saving $20 a month, start saving it and tracking it because slow progress is better than no progress. And set a date. Even if it’s two years from now. Figure out the cheapest time to fly when you’re unlikely to have exams or peak-season at your place of employment, and even if the person not traveling will still have to work/study during that time, lock it in. This way you can see the light at the end of the tunnel because the truth is you’re not going to “find time” you will either make time for each other or you will miss out.

Dear Miss U,

I live in England, and my best friend lives in France. We see each other every year. The problem is, I think I’m in love with him. I think about him all day, and I have trouble sleeping I miss him so much. It’s been 4 days since I’ve come back from France, and I cry when I miss him. I have his email, we are in touch, but I really want to see him more often.

I also want to ask him out, but I can’t seem to work up the strength, even in an email. I’ve given hints as well. I think he likes me, but I’m not 100% sure. I’d really like to have him as a boyfriend, and I’d like him to know I love him, but I just can’t tell him.

What should I do??

LD Crush

Dear LD Crush,

It is my belief that over time these feelings of love will build up within you and eventually you will be so full of admiration for him the words will just burst out! Some secrets aren’t designed to be locked away. I would advise not to worry too much over it because more often than not these things have their own momentum and reach their conclusion without being forced.

Don’t hint though. Hinting is the bane of all good healthy relationships. If you’re going to do this thing, you have to be woman enough to be able to talk about your feelings and your needs. Communication is the key to success with relationships; strive to always do so clearly and honestly!

If he’s half the guy you think he is, he will respond kindly in a way that makes you feel safe regardless of what his answer is.

I wish you the best of luck on your adventures in love!

Dear Miss U,

I met my boyfriend on a church dating group on Facebook. There was lots of talking & flirting back and forth. I was uncertain about starting a LDR but he convinced me traveling wouldn’t be a problem. It’s 6 months later and we still have not met in person. The last 2 months we have only talked over the phone for about 5-10 minutes a few days a week. No more talk about getting married or him moving here. I offered to move near him and he said no. I’m feeling just as alone in a relationship with him than being single. A factor is that one month after we started dating he told me he has cancer he’s had 2 surgeries to remove tumors. Although he has cancer nothing in his life has changed, he still is able to work sometimes 111 hours in 2 weeks. He has gone camping about 5 times since we started dating. He calls and reports what’s going on there and then says that’s all that going on here it was good to catch up with you talk to you later. Most of the time I don’t even get to tell him anything about what’s going on here. I feel very alone. I’ve tried to tell him how I feel but he just says we have to wait. I don’t know about anyone else but 5 minute catch up that’s mostly one sided isn’t what I’d call having a relationship. At least not a healthy one. I have talked to him about skyping or watching movies together and he just doesn’t seem to want to or have time for it. I feel like if he wants me in his life then he should be making an effort.

Annie

Hi Annie,

This man seems utterly clueless about what a relationship is about, it sounds to me like he thinks it’s all about him! I’d recommend cutting this one loose and finding someone who is more interested in you than in himself. Whilst cancer is a big deal, it doesn’t make you forget how to care about others. You are right that if he wants you in his life he needs to make an effort too, we make time for that which we care about!