Dear Miss U,
I’ve stumbled upon your blog while searching for inspiring/comforting stories about LDR. As you can read off my subject line, I’m drowning in confusion right now…
We’ve committed ourselves to this relationship, regardless of him moving to Spain for two years to complete his MBA. Five months into the relationship came the time for his move. The first couple of months living the whole LD thing was fine. We talked often, whenever we found time to talk, we’d video chat or call each other. But one weekend before school starts, he went away for a school party in a chalet. I was not aware. So, I tried to text him, no answer. Called later that day, nothing. Texted again, still nothing. Same thing next day. Started to worry, perhaps I shouldn’t have. Then comes Monday, he finally texts to say he had limited Internet access while away. Scheduled a call with me that night, but we had missed each other. The next day I tried calling but his phone battery was dead apparently. I kept trying to reach him, try to call for a talk or schedule one, but his new life keeps pushing me out of the picture. Time passes, I keep trying to reach him regularly through texts, emails and even video messages… Nothing works… I’m considering my last resort (which was originally my first, but have been talked out by friends): to go visit him in Spain for a real face to face honest talk. I’m miserable. Have I put too much pressure on him? I just want to reconnect with my man! Cry for help!
I wish I was in Spain
Hi there,
It seems to me that perhaps you need to hash out some guidelines for better communication while he’s away. It could just be something he’s never considered, having never been long distance before, but it isn’t really ok for him to become randomly unreachable without giving you some warning first. I’m not saying he has to share every detail of his life with you, but if he’s going to be unreachable for a couple of days or more, he needs to say something. It’s natural to worry, even when our logical minds know it’s unfounded.
You haven’t given me a single reason against going to Spain to see him, so I can’t see why not. Visits can make the world of difference to long distance relationships. Give it a go! At the very worst, you’ll have gotten to visit Spain, and it’ll give you piece of mind.
Enjoy your trip.
Dear Miss U,
My fiancé lives in Louisiana, and I live in Mississippi. We’ve been used to being able to see each other every two weeks. Recently some things happened with my parents and us that resulted in them separating us. We haven’t been together in over a month and we don’t know when we’ll see each other again. I just want to know how someone else would deal in this situation… Because we’re set on getting married… And neither one of us is leaving…
Stuck In Mississippi
Dear Stuck,
If you can’t see each other, then you can’t see each other. That’s what it boils down to. You’re living in your parents’ house, and you’re not legally old enough to get married. So you wait. It’s all you can do. Find a way to keep in contact and weather the storm until your parents either relent, or you’re old enough and have enough of your own funds to set out on your own to follow your chosen course. Sometimes, there really isn’t a lot you can do other than to be patient and lay good stores for the future. Do what you can, and don’t waste your energy on perpetuating negativity with your parents, no matter how much they deserve it right now. Often, the sensible course is not the easiest but it pays off in the long run.
Hi there,
My boyfriend and I are struggling to figure out if we should take the next step forward or save ourselves the emotional stress of a long distance relationship.
After knowing each other for 2 years now, and doing the long distance thing on and off throughout those 2 years, we thought we would be living in the same city together already. Unfortunately I will be going to university next year, still in another city, and we would have to be away from each other for another year.
We love each other so much but we wonder if the emotional stress of this long distance relationship is too much for us, at this age especially. We don’t have a clue what our future holds and so we’re struggling to make the decision whether to carry on and keep trying until the day we could be living together, or to just make the decision of letting each other go and accepting that life did not allow us to be together.
Please help to make this decision a little easier.
BIL
Greetings BIL,
The only thing I can tell you is this: Your future is your own. You choose it, you plan it, you make it happen. It’s not about life allowing you to be together, it’s about how much you want to be together vs. how much you want everything else. It’s about priorities.
I think that an extra year of long distance, in the big scheme of things, is really nothing – it’s very achievable. What makes it feel like it’s a lot is not having a solid plan to be together after that. Right now you both need to sit down and honestly figure out if this relationship is worth it in the long haul. Can you see him by your side in twenty years? Is he who you want to share your life with? Can you imagine your life without him in it? If you both want this, you only need to decide that the relationship is to become a priority, and both focus your attention on being together. Put the relationship first, and then as a team you can take on your individual goals and dreams.
What do you need and want most? You already have the answers you seek.
