Dear Miss U,
Are we too young to keep a LDR? Please don’t ignore me because of my age. I need to know because I love him and my parents don’t know. I try to hint it to them but they don’t understand. Please be kind enough to help me. Thank you.
Ana
Dear Ana,
Sorry it took me so long to get to your letter, I do get a lot of mail! I hope you didn’t think I was ignoring you.
I will be honest with you, as I am with all people who write to me, regardless of age.
A part of me is absolutely devastated to think at ten years old you are dating, and hiding it from your parents no less. What ever happened to enjoying just being young, having fun and not caring about all the hyper-sexualised, stereotypical, culturally manipulative things that come with dating? I am sad because as a feminist I fear you may want a boyfriend for the wrong reasons, and that you may not yet be complete in yourself. My own instinct tells me to mother you, protect you from all the negative things that the world of dating can bring with it. The teen years are hard enough without all of that, and you’re not yet there in the thick of it. But I can also understand that reactions like mine are exactly why you are nervous about telling your parents, because you are going to do what you need to do for you. You’re going to follow your heart, and you need support and guidance, not ridicule.
With that said, no, you are not too young to keep a long distance relationship. Some people absurdly believe that young people don’t know how to love or don’t know what love is, which is ridiculous. Other people would say it’s just “cute puppy love” which is demeaning, but not a big deal. I think you have just as much chance as anyone to make this work. The next ten years are going to bring many changes to your body and mind which will make it harder, but as you are essentially still children you might be able to hold onto that innocent honesty so many older couples lack. That open communication and natural gravitation towards fun will serve you well. If more people had that, I might well be out of a job!
I can’t tell you what to say to your parents, but I wish you all the best of luck.
Take it slowly, trust your instincts, expect respect and remember to have fun. You’re never too young to live your life!
Dear Miss U,
So I’ve known my guy 3 years now, I live in Wisconsin he’s in Georgia. I finally just went down there to meet him and there was an instant connection. But obviously I had to go back to Wisconsin and he had to stay in Georgia. Now when we talk about our future together and everything that we want to do together he is wanting to do his dreams and goals first before us. Am I overreacting thinking that his goals are more important than us and are future?
Wisconsin Girl
Dear Wisconsin Girl,
I would be upset about that too. I think your best bet is to sit down together and work out a rough timeline that plots the next five years. Encourage him to make the relationship a priority and find out why his dreams can’t be achieved alongside the over-all goal of being together (because I am sure they can be!) I doubt he is trying to be intentionally hurtful; perhaps he is just afraid that everything will change once you are living together and he needs reassurance that it won’t. The he is still free to be himself. That you will support his dreams even if you don’t share them, just as he should help you in achieving yours.
Talk to him and calmly tell him your concerns and how the way he speaks is making you feel unimportant. Get it out in the open, and work through it!
