Dear Miss U,
I met my amazing boyfriend online two years ago and have been flying back and forth from our own countries to see each other for 1 year now. (He lives in Yucatan, Mexico and I live in Florida.) I just spent the past half a year studying abroad where he lives, and now I’m back in the USA. The problem is, I didn’t go back to my friends. I came back to a new state (Florida) because my parents moved while I was studying abroad. I got so used to being with this man for 5 months, and suddenly we are back to LD and I’m without my friends. I feel devastated, but I have to stay here to finish college. What can I do to ease the pain and be happy again?
Thanks. Sincerely,
Rachel
Dear Rachel,
There’s nothing that magically makes the pain go away. There’s no secret to coping. And happiness, whilst largely a state of mind, can’t be conjured through will alone. I think at this point it’s necessary to experience your feelings, process them, grieve a little – for want of a better way to describe it. Be kind to yourself because what you’re experiencing isn’t easy and it’s ok to cut yourself a little slack while you adjust to the new situation. And then, you just have to get on with it. You focus on your study, because that’s what you are there for, that’s your ticket to the future you dream about. You make new friends and make time to call your old ones. Setting a date for when you can next see your significant other, even if it’s a long time in the future, can also give you something to focus on and work toward that will get a little closer every day.
Sometimes the best we can do is count our blessings, focusing on what we do have rather than what we don’t, choose to make the most out of each day and take each of those days as they come as gracefully as we can.
Dear Miss U,
My name is Valentina, I’m half Italian & half Australian. My boyfriend is Australian. We started knowing each other in June. The last day of that month he asked me out. I accepted. We both knew perfectly that 2 months later I’d be moving to Italy. We didn’t really care until the time came to say goodbye. It was so hard saying goodbye to my loved one. He walked me to the stairs of the school rubbing the tears off me cheek with a kiss & hug goodbye.
Here we are, 125 days have passed, still loving each other. Every night I cry myself to sleep thinking what will happen to both of us. This year “2014” in about June I might be going back to Australia for a couple of weeks. Why us? We didn’t deserve it. We were just an amazing couple with no problems until this “distance” came between us. I hate it so much. All I want is to see him and never say goodbye ever again. He’s waiting 5 years, I know it sounds crazy but he said I’m worth waiting for. I love him with all my heart. I miss him to death. I see happy couples seeing each other every day, I hope this pain we both have goes away. Not one day goes by not thinking about him & crying. I keep telling myself to not worry about it but I get worried about everything. All the people around me make me sad. I miss him so much. Whatever makes me happy is on the other side of the world being 16003 km away from him is already so much. Knowing it takes 27 hours to get there kills me. I need inspiration. I’m getting out of hope
– Valentina
Dear Valentina,
You ask me “Why us?” but my question is “Why not you?”. What makes you more special than any other couple? What would make you exempt from challenges to your relationship that could happen to anybody? Is there something about you that makes you better than everyone else? Something that should make you immune to a long distance relationship? No, of course there isn’t. So any time you start pitying yourself remember to ask “Why not me?”
It’s not about “deserving it” – this is just life happening. There is no greater force out there punishing you, testing you or torturing you. Your family didn’t do this to make you suffer. This is just one example you will experience throughout your life of bad things that happen to good people. Treat this as an opportunity to build character and life skills because your attitude is what makes the difference between adversity and adventure. You can choose to suffer for the next five years or you can choose to make the most of what you’ve got; my recommendation would be the latter.
Long distance relationships can be amazing. They come with great opportunities to be romantic and build a good story from your relationship. They teach you time management skills and to never take your significant other for granted. They truly make you appreciate the time you get together, even long after you close the distance. You can search for inspiration to help you embrace this change in many places such as Pinterest, Tumblr or any good quotes website. Build up your support network, gather ideas to keep your relationship fun and interesting, and most of all don’t let the distance be your primary focus. Yes, you are in a LDR, yes that can suck – but that’s not what your relationship is about, so don’t let that one factor ruin everything else.
