Paranoid or Justified?

Dear Miss U,

My wife currently is working on a cruise for 6 months, at the moment she’s been gone for 2 weeks and it’s been the hardest 2 weeks ever.

About 3 days in she called me really upset and told me that her designated ‘buddy’ had trapped her in his room and tried to manipulate her into cheating. (Something happened but she said she couldn’t go into details as she was upset and didn’t want to see my reaction as she felt it would make me not want her anymore.) She said that after reporting him if he wasn’t fired she was going to come home or ask to be transferred to another ship.

However, he wasn’t and she decided that she was going to stay and just avoid him, as he was due to leave in 6 weeks. A few days later it has progressed to them spending time alone together at each island and in all photos they are constantly next to each other, there are even pictures they’ve taken alone that have been shared where she thought I couldn’t see them. And becoming friends on all social media.

She’s even now talking about extending her contract, so I asked about our future but she was out to lunch with him and advised when she could call she would but told me not to worry and that we would discuss over the phone/video.

This makes me very insecure and I don’t know whether to just prepare myself for single life? I then how to tell my son that’s 6, his step mum isn’t going to come back.

Advice please!
~ David

Dear David,

Justified, a hundred percent. But I just can’t understand why any woman who has been in that kind of scary and inappropriate situation would then be making friends on social media and hanging out with that person alone at every opportunity. My brain can’t make heads or tails of that.

I do sincerely hope in the time it takes for this response to go live that she’s called you and given a very convincing explanation, but for the time being the evidence speaks for itself.
If she was just next to him all the time I might believe it’s because they are “buddies” but the social media and the hanging out alone? Big red flag.

Don’t tell your kid. Not yet. I’ve got a six-year-old, and I deeply sympathize because I know the questions, how they can act up when one parent is away, and their deep need for security and answers. But don’t say anything to him until you know for sure one way or the other. If he asks you why you’re feeling sad, you can honestly say you’re worried about her and you miss her, without going into the details.

At this point, I’d be preparing for the worst but hoping for the best. I’d appreciate it if you’d update me via the form with how it all turns out. I’m sorry you’re having your marriage shaken in such a way, and I hope that if she is innocent, she’ll start putting in some boundaries with this guy and be more aware of how her actions affect everyone back home.

Dear Miss U,

My girlfriend and I have been dating for almost 2 years,
She lives in New Jersey, I live in Wisconsin.
Both of our parents don't allow dating so we have to keep "us" a secret.
Our relationship isn't your average relationship.
We love each other so much, it's just not something you put into words.
So my question is what should we do about the distance?
Is there some advice you could share?

Love to hear from you soon
~Wisconsin

Dear Wisconsin,

About the distance, there’s big fat nothing you can do right now. Not at fifteen where moving out of home would more than likely jeopardize your future.

But the things you can do are: study seriously. Get a job and save hard. Make your plans with each other in mind.

You have an advantage. Most people can’t check off “find life partner” so early on. Now that you have that nailed, you look to the other areas of your lives and plan how to make them awesome together. Help each other be the best you can be.

As for your parents, eventually the topic will come up, and you will say, “I’ve been dating for the past four years, and it’s never affected my school grades, social life, etc.”

In the meantime, keep talking. Keep your relationship fun by doing things together. Save up lots of money, because long distance and life, in general, are expensive, and be patient.
I can’t stress that last one enough. Be patient. If your love is half as unique and amazing as you make out, it will still be there when you’re legally an adult. Love waits. Don’t worry about it. Just keep growing up together — learning how to grow together is a skill you will need in marriage — keep investing in each other and let the time pass. It passes rather quickly if you don’t give it your attention.

Dear Miss U, My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 5 years. I’m from the US and he’s in the UK. At the beginning of March, he told me that he was beginning to be attracted to one of his female friends/coworkers for about 2-3 weeks. He told me because it was eating him up not telling me. From what he told me, she has no idea and he never acted on these feelings. It broke my heart. We talked it out and made a plan to start spending more time together (at the time we would only call 1-2 times a month) and try and visit more and stuff like that. He told me he would distance himself from this person… Jump to now, and he tells me he’s at the gym with a friend and this person. I tell him it’s weird he’s out with her but he says, “Eh, you have nothing to worry about.” [read more: Perfectly Valid Feelings]
Dear Miss U, I have a boyfriend and he lives far away. My parents don’t want us talking so it’s hard to stay in contact. What do I do? [read more: Without communication, there’s nothing.]

About the Author

Miss U

Miriam Cumming is a writer, witch, and LDR survivor with more than a decade of trans-Pacific experience. She’s currently living in paradise with her one true love and their three little gentlewomen where she indulges in coffee, tattoos, and World of Warcraft. You can learn more about her writing and LDR success from her blog The Wicce Writes.