Miss You Issues: Patient Beginnings - Long Distance Relationship Advice

Dear Miss U,

This guy and I met over the summer holidays. We spent about a week together and he was very flirty. I liked him, but given the short amount of time we had, I was hesitant so nothing happened. We wound up keeping in touch, messaging constantly over the next month. I found myself liking him more and kind of warmed to the idea of an LDR. A month after we had met, he came for a visit. Things flowed so naturally, we both had a good time, and made plans for me to go over for a visit the following month. He started back at school after the first visit, and the messages slowed down quite a bit. We hadn’t really defined the relationship or anything, and I thought he might have lost interest, but I still went over for my visit as planned. Again we had a brilliant weekend, but I came away from it even more confused, trying to reconcile how much fun we had in person with how difficult it was apart. So I made a bold move and asked him how he felt. He was having the same struggles. I told him I wanted to give this a serious go, but that I understood an LDR wasn’t for everyone and it was okay if he wasn’t up for it. He hasn’t been able to tell me no but hasn’t said yes either. And circumstances just seem to keep putting us in each other’s paths. We’ve seen each other once more since (which wound up being great), and I have a bit of work in the coming months that is (quite unplanned) in his area. We message occasionally, and I like him a lot, but things are still undefined.

What do I do?
Happy and Confused

Dear Happy,

Whilst we can’t just sit around all the time hoping life will unfold how we imagine it, sometimes a period in our life comes where the best thing to do is pull up our oars and see where the river takes us. Taking no action is still a decision; not always the easiest one at that. When it comes to love, I believe you have to let it develop naturally. You can’t rush it or stifle it, no matter how eager or afraid you are.

My advice is to stop worrying about defining it for the time being. A time will come where it’s obvious to all involved what “it” has grown into. In the meantime, invest some effort into making the distance portion a little more enjoyable for both of you; do something together while you talk or find another medium to communicate over if texting isn’t hitting the spot.

Dear Miss U,

My boyfriend and I live in the same state but different cities. My parents don’t want me to date him because he lives over 100 miles away. I’ve gotten my driver’s license very recently and they think that I’m going to leave city limits to go and see him. How should I get them to trust that I won’t disobey them and drive out there?

Chewie

Dear Chewie,

Generally, we build up trust over time by not doing the thing people fear we will do to hurt them or ourselves. You can also talk to your parents about how you respect them, and how you know it’s unsafe to do a long-distance drive when no one knows where you are. Show them your maturity, and give them time. It’s not easy on us parents to see our little babies grow up and go out into the world doing big new things that can get them hurt, so cut them some slack.

You’ve only been dating a really short time too, so there’s no reason for you to rush into visiting against their will. Over time, I hope they will see that while distance isn’t ideal, he makes you happy, respects you, and wants to see you achieve your dreams just like they do. When they start seeing him as a person rather than a phase or a threat, the idea of you visiting (supervised the first time, I’m sure) will seem less frightening.

Take it slow, be honest, and they will see the responsible woman you are becoming and treat you accordingly.

What do you think? Let us know in the comments below!

About the Author

Miss U

Miriam Cumming is a writer, witch, and LDR survivor with more than a decade of trans-Pacific experience. She’s currently living in paradise with her one true love and their three little gentlewomen where she indulges in coffee, tattoos, and World of Warcraft. You can learn more about her writing and LDR success from her blog The Wicce Writes.