Miss You Issues: Short 'N Sweet - Long Distance Relationship Advice

Dear Miss U,

My ex and I broke up almost a year ago. Since then he has found out that I am in a new relationship with someone whom is 13 years younger than him. He keeps sending me messages of snap shots of my current BF’s FB page and saying mocking things about him. He also starts to send me pictures of him and I and certain things he knows I like and places that we have been together. When I ask him to stop, his response is, “Is this how you treat someone you love?” etc. Although he of course does not take any responsibility for what has happened in our relationship. He cheated on me with a lover he had for over 10 years!

Broken

Dear Broken,

Most every website has a block feature these days. I recommend blocking him in every way known to mankind. I also recommend both you and your boyfriend utilize a higher level of security on Facebook. Have a look in the settings, and max it out.

You can also have his phone number blocked, and/ or change your own.

Don’t hesitate to get the law involved either. This is harassment, and it is illegal. It doesn’t matter how you felt about him or even if you still did love him, he has no right to contact you like this.

Take steps to protect yourself and whatever you do, don’t write back.

Dear Miss U,

Me and my boyfriend have been together for a year and a half and have been long distance the entire time. We only live a state away from each other and have finally gotten to the point where we get to see each other every month and we stay at one of our houses for a week and just spend time together it’s almost like we live together during those weeks and everything just feels so perfect like it’s always meant to be that way. He lives in LA which is where my dream college is and we’re thinking about moving in together. I feel like this is the right choice and that I would be moving there anyway so why not just be with my best friend? But all my friends are telling me that I’m being impulsive and that it’s not going to be easy and I know it won’t be and I know that I’m only 17 so maybe I don’t know what’s best for me. I guess my question is should I follow my heart or just do what everyone tells me I should do?

Confused Teenager

Dear Confused Teenager,

Sometimes our friends don’t have our best interests at heart. Sometimes our friends are more afraid of losing us than of us being unhappy. No one knows your mind like you do.

Obviously you have thought this through. It doesn’t sound impulsive to me. It also seems like you have your family’s support on this decision, and that’s a big deal.

Follow your heart. Nothing worth doing is easy.

Dear Miss U,

I’m in a long distance marriage right now. We are actually in the visa process to close it right now. We just got married in May but we’ve been long distance since we befriended in 2010. We’ve seen each other plenty of times. The goodbyes usually hurt for a while but I eventually get over them. Now this is the first time we are apart as a married couple. It’s hitting me worse as a result. He’s six hours ahead of me and works all week so we rarely get to talk. And when we do it’s like 4am his time so he’s tired. Recently, however, we’ve been talking even less and he seems indifferent about how that may make me feel. Since there’s been little communication, there’s been little affection as well. I’ve been needing emotional conversations but since he works so much there’s little time for them. As a result….I’ve been having thoughts of cheating. But that goes against my integrity and not to mention I’ve been cheated on so I have been on the other end. As a result I’ve been ashamed in myself for having such sinful thoughts. I haven’t done anything about it but the thoughts still exist. I’m not sure what to do, cause I need emotional fulfillment but he can’t give me any. And I don’t have any friends either, I have social anxiety. What should I do about this? I’m not going to act upon my desires, but there’s a void that needs filled and he’s unable to fill it due to so much work.

Troubled Wife

Dear Wife,

Congratulations on your marriage! It sounds to me like he’s taking the permanence of your relationship for granted and sticking you on the back burner while you wait out the visa process. The only way you are going to fix this is by talking to him about it, and him putting in an effort. That’s it.

Thinking about cheating isn’t actually cheating. We are all tempted from time to time, either by a lack in our current relationships or by a particularly attractive person, and that doesn’t make us bad spouses. Crossing the line into action does that.

Lastly, you can still have friends when you have a social anxiety disorder. I’m not saying it’s easy, but it is possible and still necessary. It’s completely unfair of anyone to expect one person to meet all their social and supportive needs. If you pile all of that on your husband you will eventually drive him away. So do look into what kind of help is available for you, add some strategies into your toolbox and make at least one friend.