Miss You Issues: Spoiled Little Boys - Long Distance Relationship Advice

Dear Miss U,

I met a guy a while ago and we started liking each other and then decided we wanted to be together, however, we’re literally continents apart and we decided that when I finished high school I would enter a college in his country. It was all going great but suddenly he said that even though he wants to be with me it’s killing him to wait this long and he said the only way to save our relationship is for me to go there right now. I don’t have that kind of money and there’s no way my parents would give it to me, but I love him and I don’t want to lose him.

What do I do?
What can I do?
8,922 Miles

Dear Lots of Miles,

That’s a bit rich, don’t you think? If HE can’t handle the distance HE should move to YOU! What kind of spoiled brat is this guy? He has the power to “save the relationship” just as much as you do – and your limitations are just as valid as his. Say no to that level of dramatic bullshit.

Even if somehow a few thousand dollars appeared under your pillow tonight it would still be months before you closed the distance. You likely need a visa, plane tickets, and an occupation lined up. You need a plan and a budget, not a whiny little boy willing to jeopardize a stable future because he wants everything right now.

Long distance isn’t easy by any stretch of the imagination, but neither is adulthood or marriage. If he can’t handle waiting a few extra months, or come up with a real solution rather than dumping the responsibility for the relationship squarely on you, then maybe you’re better off in the long-term without him. If he can’t work with you to solve problems, can’t be steadfast and patient and hardworking, how on earth does he expect any of his relationships to be successful?

I hope he realizes he’s about to throw a great relationship away for no good reason, apologizes, and gets back on track before it’s too late.

Dear Miss U,

When my boyfriend and I first started long distance, he was always putting in effort to talk to me and communicate with me. I never questioned how he felt and everything seemed so easy. However, this past month about, I have felt like he isn’t putting any effort in anymore. He doesn’t call unless I ask him to and we barely text throughout the day. This past week has been the hardest because all he wants to do it seems like is play video games with his roommate. This is what he does all day and is the reason why he “can’t” talk at night. The past two nights he has promised he would make time for me and call me so we could have some actual time together (once again, only because I asked). Those promises fell through both nights though and I don’t know what to do. I really love him but I feel left behind and unimportant from his lack of effort. I feel that I am the only one putting effort in now. When I do try to talk to him about this he doesn’t want to and just says that everything is fine and he doesn’t understand why I’m hurt even though I clearly explain it to him. Nothing is getting fixed and I don’t know what to do.

Is this normal and I am just reading too much into it or is this an actual issue? If it is then what can I do to fix things?

Confused in Love

Dear Confused in Love,

This is an actual issue – and not just within the relationship, but in his life in general. It’s not healthy (or productive) to play video games all day, to the exclusion of everyone and everything else. You’re not imagining it, and it’s not ok. An hour or two of his time in the evening is not too much to ask.

Unfortunately, I don’t know what more you could be doing. I suppose you could try treating him the way he’s been treating you, but it could take weeks for him to realize there’s even a problem, and I worry that would only damage the relationship further. Sadly, I don’t know what else to suggest.

I still occasionally fly off the handle at Mr. E because sometimes I feel like he’s married to his computer, not me. Providing him with examples always gets the point across faster, and if he says “everything is fine” I point out that it obviously isn’t or we wouldn’t be having this conversation.

It’s frustrating and lonely. I am sorry I couldn’t help.

What do you think? Let us know in the comments below!

About the Author

Miss U

Miriam Cumming is a writer, witch, and LDR survivor with more than a decade of trans-Pacific experience. She’s currently living in paradise with her one true love and their three little gentlewomen where she indulges in coffee, tattoos, and World of Warcraft. You can learn more about her writing and LDR success from her blog The Wicce Writes.