Dear Miss U,
I’ve had this relationship for 7 months.
Last summer, I went on a working holiday in Los Angeles, CA. I met my boyfriend at Starbucks. Sounds like a novel-like plot. LOL But that’s really how it goes.
So yeah, we fell in love. We hung out together and talked a lot. It’s been like we’ve known each other for a long long time. Everything went well beside I would go home in a few weeks. I only stayed there for 2 months, then I went back to Taiwan.
After I went back to Taiwan, my college had started. I was very busy when I started my freshman year. Sometimes I would forget to txt him. But we had Skype four or five times a week at least. Though I was talking most of time, he’s still listening to me patiently.
When the X’mas was coming, I was too tired to Skype. And then, he’d become lack of confidence and been insecure. I tried so hard to fix this. I thought we were cool, however, he didn’t call me or text me for 2 weeks. I was so upset and worried at that time. Finally, he txted me, he said that he’d been too busy and too tired to text me. I didn’t think that much at then, and I forgave him very immediately, because I thought as long as he’s okay, I’m okay with it.
Yet, he seldom call me after that. I thought it’s because he’s too busy on his work, perhaps.
Last week, I tried to call him. He didn’t answer me! And he only text me said, “sorry babe, I couldn’t call you because I’m at Isais'(his friend)” BUT HE USED TO CALL WHEN HE’S AT HIS FRIENDS’ PLACE!
Please help me :'(
– Ina
Dear Ina,
Sadly I think something else is going on here, and that the only way to get to the bottom of it is to get him to talk to you. It sounds a lot like he is just waiting for this relationship to fizzle out rather than ending it but you need to talk to him and find out if this is the case or if there is a different reason for his reticence.
I do realize that there is likely a significant time difference between you and that life can get very busy but it’s obvious that neither of you make this relationship a priority; if it’s going to last you both need to change that. It takes maybe a minute to send a text message, so the excuse “I was too busy” doesn’t fly with me. You could find time for that waiting for the bus, watching your dinner turn in the microwave or even make that effort while you were on the toilet. Moreover, when you care about someone, you make time for them. If you can’t match up your schedules to talk in real time you can still leave offline messages or send emails. Start by putting the effort in and opening up communication from your end on whatever media you need to, and then access if you both want to keep this relationship running.
Dear Miss U,
My girlfriend and I are missing out on physical touch more than anything. We are both very physical people, and I’m not just talking about sex.. It’s the little intimate moments couples have involving touch that I mean as well. So apart from meeting up, what are some ways to either help us experience touch with each other, or help us not focus on it so much, so we’ll have the patience to wait a while before we are together? Thank you.
– Kevin
Dear Kevin,
Many long distance couples incorporate some level of written or verbal role-play into their long distance relationship in an effort to bridge this gap. If you are talking through chat or texting for example, and there’s a place in the conversation where if you were physically there you would touch or kiss write that into your conversation. Some people do this by showing actions encased in asterisks or doubled brackets.
Example:
It makes my heart melt when you talk like that *squeezes your hand*
In a verbal exchange it is harder to do this and remain positive, but it can be done. Some people aren’t shy about injecting kissing noises into their conversations, while others rely more on encouraging their partner’s imagination in some way.
Example:
Close your eyes, wrap your blanket around you tightly and know that I’m hugging you with my soul.
Yes, it sounds corny, we know. But it’s about making each other feel special, connected and loved, not about looking cool; and it’s much more positive to say “Imagine my lips kissing away your tears” than “I wish I could be there to dry your eyes.”
In addition to this, many couples send gifts (a special stuffed toy, pillow or hoodie to cuddle up with just to name a few) or rely on phone sex and masturbation to keep their hormones under control and foster a sense of connectedness.
It is important on some level to look after yourselves as well. Pamper yourselves a little at home or go for a massage. Keep yourselves looking tidy for each other, as it will help your confidence and self-worth just as dressing up for dates can in near-proximity situations.
Lastly, don’t focus on the distance, focus on each other and how lucky you are. Anticipate your next touches rather than mourning the ones you’re not having right now. A positive attitude is your best weapon in this battle.
