Dear Miss U,
Okay this is the only way I can say my feelings and no one would know. Okay well I love this guy named Joseph but of course it has to be a problem he lives in California and I live in Montana . We are 1,245 miles apart or 21 hours apart. It sucks. I hate it because when I’m crying cause my home life he can’t hold me. And when he goes to the hospital I can’t even be there. Something is wrong with his stomach. And he made me stop cutting. And he is just soo amazing. And I had to ask him to get me a teddy bear or something is that bad? Because I feel horrible to ask because I feel like I just want stuff and I’m way too shy. I met him off myyearbook . I just don’t know what to do I can’t go see him because I have to take care of my mom. And he can’t because he doesn’t have a car. It sucks. And I wrote him a letter yesterday it was cute. I can’t even talk to him on the phone or Skype he doesn’t have a computer he has a iPod touch and I guess I have to get one to facetime I don’t want one cause I never use them . But I will get one for him. Ha I know this is a long thing but I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m not going to leave him I just need him. This sucks. Well I guess goodbye.
Cassidy B
Dear Cassidy,
I have a lot of things to say to you, some of which you might not be ready to hear and accept. If you could print this letter out and keep it somewhere safe, so you can go back and read it on occasion I’d really appreciate that. I want only the best for you, and for your relationship, but for that to be possible there’s a handful of things you need to accept:
1) You do not need him.
How do I know this? Because you’ve been with him two months and for 18 years before that you lived just fine without him there. Secondly, because you don’t truly need anyone. Be the girl that’s with the boy because she wants him, not because she thinks she can’t go on without him.
2) The only person who can stop you from self-harming is you.
He can not make you do anything. The things you do, you do of your own free will. You have the power to say no to the urge to cut. You are the strong one. And no matter what happens between the two of you, I hope you remember that. It’s not easy to give up self-harming, and it’s not easy to avoid relapsing, but you alone hold that blade and you alone make the decision.
3) Don’t look for impossibilities – look for solutions.
Don’t make expensive purchases that you don’t actually want to make for the sake of someone you hardly know. There are always options. There are calling cards that you can buy cheaply that have good rates. He can borrow someone’s phone or use a public phone. Or he could Skype you from a computer at a library if he wanted to. Or you could borrow a friend’s iPod with facetime. There are so many ways to connect these days that I can’t accept that it’s impossible for the two of you to work something out fairly swiftly.
Visits will work themselves out in time, and when you know each other better. It’s never a great idea to rush into meeting people from online. Additionally, owing a car is not the only way to travel. Flying, taking a train or catching a bus are all viable methods. He could also hire a car for the trip if he wanted to. Flying would make your hours apart significantly less. When you meet in person, remember to do so in a safe public place – and never agree to meet up with someone secretly or without having seen them in real time via webcam first. Always be safe.
4) Nothing worth doing is easy.
Yes, long distance relationships do have a significantly high percentage of suck. They also have their own unique set of bonuses however, and can be more than worth your time and effort. The key to succeeding is all in your mindset. In life, everything truly is what we make of it. Focusing on the bad parts intensifies them. Instead, focus on what is possible. Do your research – find alternatives to form a working plan. There is always a way forward.
But most of all, give this relationship time to develop into something without placing so much pressure on it. Let yourselves grow deeper into love, and establish a true foundation of trust and friendship. And while that’s happening, continue to work on yourself and on your home life because no man is going to become your savior. In the end the only person you can rely on to bring you happiness is yourself.
Dear Miss U,
I believe I am strong enough to deal with what is to come on my own, but I need to tell someone the situation so I don’t collapse. I’ve been with the girl of my dreams for two entire years, and it’s been a wonderful experience, even though she’s been in Canada and me in Germany for a bulk of that time span (Seeing each other on the occasional holiday). Nevertheless, my high school career has come to an end and I will be leaving to university in Scotland within the next 2 months. So I’m spending my last summer here with my girlfriend, 5 beautiful weeks.
This last year apart (We spent the entire year apart until this summer) our long distance relationship almost killed her, being excruciatingly tough for her emotionally (and me as well of course). Considering that she is only 16 it has been a very emotional experience for her. I believe she deserves a closer relationship, or if she wants, being single, so she’s no longer torn apart by the pain of our distance. I of course also wish to no longer be in that kind of pain.
Me and her have agreed that it’s best that we break up after the summer when she goes back to Canada and finish her high school career. Are we making the right decision? Do you think once we break up we can still be close friends after a lengthy “getting over each other” time period? Do you think we could ever end up together again later in life?
With kindest regards and utmost gratitude for you reading my message,
Sleepless in Frankfurt
Dear Sleepy Frank,
I personally will never understand people who break up due to the distance. “I don’t see you enough, so I don’t want to see you at all” isn’t a type of logic I can relate to.
I think, however, as long as you are both on exactly the same page some good could come of this, and who knows, maybe you will give it another shot later on in life when the situation is more favorable. I know some couples who have had this work for them, so it’s not impossible.
Only the two of you will know if friendship is an option or if this is goodbye but I do believe that if your hearts want only each other, there is no way you can force them to forget. And thus, I don’t think you’re saving each other any kind of pain. The heartache you feel being at a distance isn’t due to dating someone that’s far away, it’s due to being in love with someone far away – and breaking up won’t stop you loving each other.
Warmest wishes
