Miss You Issues: The Sting - Long Distance Relationship Advice

Dear Miss U,

My boyfriend and I used to have the best relationship anyone could ask for. We would say “I love you” every day, he would call me whenever he could, and he would always be as cute as when I first met him. We have never met in person and have been talking on Snapchat, I made a new account about 4 months ago and he has changed drastically. He doesn’t say he loves me anymore, only when I’m upset (which is every day because of this). He hasn’t called me in about 4 months. He never seems to have time for me anymore… I mean, when I KNOW he’s at school or at practice or something, I’m fine. But when he just says he’s busy and doesn’t tell me why it really hurts. Can you give me any advice on how to get over the constant sadness from him never having any time for me anymore?

Anonymous

Dear Anon,

I feel like this relationship has probably run its course, and that you need to “rip the Band-Aid off.” Get the break-up over and done with and set yourself free. You shouldn’t have to “get over” your partner not having time for you. You shouldn’t have to teach yourself how to cope with feeling unloved. What’s the point of being in a relationship like that?

If you’ve told him that there’s a problem in the relationship, you’ve communicated how you feel, yet still nothing has changed and he doesn’t care enough to help you change it, then it’s time to say goodbye. It will hurt at first – a big spike of pain that seems a lot worse than the lower-level of constant heartache you’ve been dealing with – but then you’ll start to see how much better off you are not pouring your life-force into a dead-end relationship.

One day you’ll have a relationship where you won’t need to be told you’re loved every day – because you’ll feel it – but he’ll tell you anyway, even after a couple of decades. Open your life up to welcome in that person who sees how worthy you are.

Dear Miss U,

Over the summer, I went on a Youth Exchange to Belgium. In Belgium, I met an Australian who was on an exchange for a year returning home in January of 2018. We hit it off and became closer. My exchange was only 2 weeks but we spent every single day with each other, talking nonstop on social media, and eventually leading up to being ‘together.’ Every day he’d reassure me that he wasn’t playing me, that this wasn’t a summer fling, that he did care for me by asking me what he should change about himself to please me, and how he truly did like care for me. He always seemed insecure with himself and always asked why I chose him or why I was so good to him. I eventually got attached and fell for him.

The day I was leaving he avoided me. Eventually, I found out that he thought it would hurt less to ignore me rather than spend the last few moments with me. Over the next few days, he stopped talking to me, leaving me on read, and telling me to find better guys in America. I was heartbroken, crying for months and still. Months went by before he ‘accidentally’ snapped me and told me he stopped because he didn’t know how to handle the distance. I thought we would work out the distance, but having him leave me without a word left me going insane blaming myself, and my own feelings for overpowering the reality. Once he told me the truth on his disappearance it just made me wonder about his feelings for me or us. He said I was amazing but I guess it wasn’t enough to try a LDR.

Thoughts?
Qwertyuiop

Dear Qwertyuiop,

It sounds a lot like he played you, despite everything he said. And if he didn’t? His actions tell us he’s a selfish coward. Personally, I’d chalk it up to experience and move on; trying to focus on the good parts rather than how it ended, but if you’re not ready to say goodbye then you need to have a big conversation with him about what you expect and how the two of you are going to maintain this relationship. Be honest and assertive, you have nothing to lose here.

He’s quite young so chances are he didn’t know how else to handle his emotions and you might find it in your heart to forgive that, but make it clear that you won’t be excusing that kind of behavior going forward. People in healthy successful relationships don’t treat each other in the way he treated you. Work with him and help him to come up with other ways he could handle similar (hypothetical) situations in the future.

Take it slow and protect yourself.

In Kindness,

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About the Author

Miss U

Miriam Cumming is a writer, witch, and LDR survivor with more than a decade of trans-Pacific experience. She’s currently living in paradise with her one true love and their three little gentlewomen where she indulges in coffee, tattoos, and World of Warcraft. You can learn more about her writing and LDR success from her blog The Wicce Writes.