The Unforgivable

Dear Miss U,

She thinks I always just talk with her as usual and she wants me try something new and interesting on the call. Please help with suggestions?

Riyan

Dear Riyan,

Calls can get super boring if the only thing happening is talking, besides, we deepen our relationships and understanding of each other through activities and shared interests.

Michelle has constructed a massive list of activities for your convenience, you can find it here: Activities for Long Distance Couples

Enjoy!

Dear Miss U,

I had cheated on my girlfriend over 2 yrs ago. I am not defending my actions, but I was unaware she had considered us to be together as boyfriend and girlfriend at the time. I apologized over and over again. She cheated on me to get back at me and show me how it feels. I was crushed and heartbroken. I have forgiven her for her actions, as she did it to show me how badly I hurt her. I've written her multiple page apology letters, bought her little gifts, tried to set her mind at ease and she just won't forgive me. She lives in another country for the time being with a 16 hr time difference. I've never been so in love with a woman in all my life and I don't want to lose her. What can I possibly do to help re-assure her I've changed and that I'm sincerely sorry? Please help, and thank you.

Defeated man

Dear Defeated man,

I think she might be a write-off. That she’d revenge cheat, then continue to hold your cheating against you for two years tells me she’s not mature enough for an adult relationship. Honestly, if she’s still clinging to this now, it’s possible she always will. Are you willing to stay in a relationship where every mistake could be held against you for years if not forever? Because that’s what I’m seeing. I’m seeing a petty woman who has no interest in forgiveness.

There’s nothing you can say to her to prove you have changed – that’s true regardless of other factors – words don’t heal a wound like that. Time spent building up trust by not repeating the same mistake is what heals. But you’ve been doing that for two years, and still, she’s given you a reason to come here and ask for advice. She doesn’t want this wound to close. She wants a reason to hold stuff against you. A method through which to control you.

I don’t know if it’s possible to have an online counselor conduct a couple’s session, but you could ask around until you found a willing therapist. There are more online services now than ever before. And if she’s not willing to get help with you to move on from this issue? That tells you something too.

All the years I’ve worked here at LFAD I’ve been clear on one thing: Love is not all you need. If she’s not willing to move on, if she won’t work with you on this relationship and stop bringing up this one mistake that happened before you’d declared yourself an official couple in an exclusive relationship, then love is not going to repair this.

As hard as it is, I’d recommend moving on. Healing. And then in future relationships always make sure you’re on the same page about the relationship’s status. Love shouldn’t make you feel defeated. Find someone who understand you’re a human, and try again.

Dear Miss U, My boyfriend and I dated for 6 months and then he had to leave to another country for work and we decided to do LDR. I love him with all of me. We had a lot of issues about happiness. I met a guy and we hung out a couple of times and the third time, we kissed and had oral sex. It was the worst experience of my life because the only other time I have done that was with my boyfriend and it was intimate and lasted forever. But with this guy it was just a quick way for him to get off… [read more: A Sense Of Justice]
Dear Miss U, I’ve been in a LDR for almost 4 years. We’ve been madly in love and everything was fine till the day he cheated on me. When I learned about it, I wanted to break up with him, but he begged me not to do so and said that it was a mistake because he was drunk and he reassured me that he’ll change for the better… [read more: After Infidelity]

About the Author

Miss U

Miriam Cumming is a writer, witch, and LDR survivor with more than a decade of trans-Pacific experience. She’s currently living in paradise with her one true love and their three little gentlewomen where she indulges in coffee, tattoos, and World of Warcraft. You can learn more about her writing and LDR success from her blog The Wicce Writes.