Dear Miss U,
I’ve been in my LDR with my GF for 4 months and half let’s say. We never met yet and we plan to meet this summer. Lately she is acting weirdly in my opinion. She talks less and the moments when she talks with me she always says she is bored and so on and of course I insist on proposing something to do but she always refuses and gives me the fault and other stuffs for doing nothing and so on. Some days we really have very nice moments but I really hate when she says “I’m bored” with that smile… friends of mine told me: you see? a LDR won’t ever work… but I really believe in it and I want to make it tangible and working… she’s the girl I really love so… any advice for now on how to keep going on with this LDR?
Thank you,
Call me stupid or mad for love
Dear Mad Love,
Your friends are wrong. It isn’t long distance relationships that are the problem here – it is her. Long distance relationships can and do work and when people claim otherwise all they are doing is airing their ignorance; but for an LDR to work both people need to be invested and proactive about fixing the things that bother them, something your girlfriend is clearly not doing. I don’t know what game she is playing at, but her boredom is her problem to solve so stop jumping through hoops every time she moans about it. People who complain but make no effort to address their own problems bring out the rage beast in me, but perhaps she doesn’t realize she has developed this habit and so a gentle conversation is the way to go. Tell her how this reoccurring situation is making you feel. If she continues to do it, curtly remind her that she is the master of her own destiny. And if she still doesn’t knock it off? Then ask yourself if this behavior is a deal breaker and act accordingly.
Dear Miss U,
I have a big problem on my hands. So my boyfriend is in the Navy. He lives in VA and I live in CA. The next time I’m going to be able to see him is during Winter break. I’m in college so I have a month break and he has two weeks for Christmas. I really want to go over there with him for a week or two and come back for Christmas with him to spend it with our families. But my mom doesn’t like the idea very much. I’m going to be 18 soon and I do have my own money, so I can afford the money to pay for it myself. My boyfriend has been really looking forward to this trip, but my parents have already stressed to the both of us how important it is that we be respectful of their decisions and we’ve already had a few problems in the past. I understand their point of view and respect it, but when I only get to see my SO only once a couple of times a year, I would like to get as much time as I can. So what do I do? Should I listen to my parents and not go visit him over break or just ignore my parents and go visit him anyways?
Sincerely,
Split Decision
Dear Split Decision,
You haven’t told me why they don’t like the idea, and to me the “why” is everything. Will you be missing a once-in-a-lifetime family event by going? Will this trip somehow endanger your education or your ability to pay board & lodgings? Or do they simply not like it because they are not yet comfortable with the fact you’re a young woman, earning her own money and having relationships that they can not control?
If it’s something like the latter, go anyway. But if they have a legitimate argument, try to find a compromise such as going for a shorter time so you can make that important event or calling home every day so they know you are safe.
There’s a big difference between respecting someone and doing everything they say. Do try and find a way they can be comfortable with you going, but at the end of the day you have to live your life for you.
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Comments 2
There’s nothing wrong with planning lots of activities for your visit, but don’t overwhelm each other with too much, and don’t over plan just because you’re feeling anxious about the visit. Sometimes we can put too much pressure on a visit without even realizing it. Be sure to find time to appreciate being together instead of running from plan to plan and place to place in an attempt to make the most of your time together.
Out of site is not out of mind