Dear Miss U,
I recently told my parents about my LDR. They were upset with me. They wouldn’t really listen to what I had to say and they said they needed time to process what I told them. They’re more mad at me because he’s In another state and they’re afraid I’ll move there away from them one day. It’s a new relationship and I’ve tried telling them he wants to talk to them but at the moment they refuse. I’m scared to death to lose him and I know they’re worried about me. How can I convince them I can make this work? I really love him and he might even move here one day if possible.
Scared in the south.
Dear Scared,
I know it can be hard because we all want approval from our parents or other people in positions of authority. Most people don’t take delight in disappointing the people they care about. However, at the heart of the matter you’re an adult. Your parents can not stop you having a relationship.
Of course they are going to be afraid to lose you; that is a natural reaction. And it is fair that they need time to think about the news too, and to talk together. It might take them a while for them to warm up to your partner, but I have no doubt that if they are reasonable people and the relationship proves to be healthy for you that in time they will grow to accept or even care for him.
In the meantime all you can do is give them the time they need and be honest. It’s a new relationship. You don’t know where it’s going to go, and him moving to you has not been ruled out. Make sure your parents know that you love them, respect their opinions and that you will see to your own safety. Reassure them that they won’t be forgotten about, and then follow your heart. Remember that you are an adult, and act like one in your dealings with them and the decisions you make for your future.
Hi,
I’ve been together with my current bf since 2011 but we got to know each other Dec. 2009. He lives in the Philippines while I live in Norway (I’m Filipino too). We met each other in a chat room and I first met him in 2011, in the Philippines, where we decided to go official. But that was also the last time since I’ve seen him.
Since we got together, he has been surrounded by other girls. First it was because of his studies and now it at work. He tells me that he only hang out with them because they are the ones who doesn’t drink or smoke. My boyfriend is really kind to whoever he meets, but sometimes too nice and I feel that he is treating other as his gf and I’m just a stranger who bother him.
For the past few weeks he has been writing on his status on Facebook to comfort his friend because of her loss of mother and struggle. As I said I know he is just being nice, but I feel he is giving more attention to others than me. I have been telling him this, but I feel that he hasn’t really understood what I’ve been telling him. And then he asks me if I don’t trust him. I do trust him but I feel that his words are empty no matter what he says. I told him that his actions are what worries me and how it made me feel. I don’t know what else to do now. Please help me, I truly want this relationship to work, but I’m starting to feel lost.
Is it me or is it him?
Dear IIMOIIH,
It’s you.
From what I can tell here he hasn’t done anything wrong, you’re just letting your jealousy get the better of you. It’s hard not to, I’m pretty sure that jealousy bogs all of us down at one time or another.
If he were doing something that ought to break your trust he wouldn’t be doing it on a public platform for all to see. He isn’t hiding his interaction with these girls, and that should put your mind at ease.
When you read his statuses, pretend his friend was another guy – if he said those things to a male friend, would you still feel threatened?
I would suggest instead of asking him not to be himself around other people, to just ask him for more of his time and affection. Tell him that you are lonely, feel forgotten and need a bit of reassurance. It’s not about other people, it’s about the two of you and the strength of your own relationship.
Also find a time to discuss boundaries of your relationship, what acts are ok and what are not. Use examples from his interactions with other girls and ask him if he would feel threatened of you spoke to your male friends in the same fashion. Your best bet is in making him understand how you feel, regardless of if he agrees with you.
Dear Miss U,
I am a freshman in college and haven’t had much luck in relationships. I’ve gotten ditched quite a bit in the past and I finally found a guy who I really love and is honestly the best boyfriend ever. My family likes him, his family likes me, and we go to a great college and have a promising future. We have been together officially for only three months but it is basically longer than that because we’ve spent nearly every day together since November. Because we are not used to spending any time apart, I’m nervous about the summer. My boyfriend lives in Minnesota and I live in Indiana. I won’t see him at all from May 5th to August 17th because we are both working all summer. He is going back to Minnesota in a few short weeks where his “best friend”/ex-girlfriend who hates me will be. This makes me extremely nervous and, while I trust him completely, I do not trust this other girl at all. Plus it will just be really hard not seeing him. I’m scared we will start to fight because of the stress and I don’t want him to break up with me. What should I do? Should I be worried?
Please help!
-Morgan
Dear Morgan,
Trusting him should be enough. It needs to be enough. It doesn’t matter who she is, what their past is, what she looks like or anything else if you have complete trust in him. She could throw herself naked into him arms and if you’ve put your trust in the right guy, he’ll put her on the ground, tell her no and walk away.
Being worried will only make problems more likely, so try to relax. Being apart won’t be easy and you’ll miss each other, but you can make it a positive experience and have your relationship come out stronger. Plan a few surprises for him; that will keep positive thoughts of you on his mind. If you can, talk about how often you both expect to be in contact over the summer and promise each other a date night once a week, or once a fortnight in the least. Make time for each other, like you would if you were right next door.
If you do find that you start fighting, stop and ask yourself what the real issues are. Fighting is a choice and long distance will not make you powerless.
