Dear Miss U,
My boyfriend and I met 2 months ago, and we’ve been together pretty much since. We met in person but he lives 12 hours away. We’ve seen each other a few times since then, and I just got back from a week-long visit (July 1-9). I was supposed to move down at the end of July.
Toward the end of my visit he told me he wasn’t ready for me to move down yet. We discussed it and cried about it for a few days. I was devastated. He was hurt that he hurt me. It wasn’t pretty.
I agreed to give him October to become more ready. But I hate living so far from him. As I drove home last night the further I got from him the more my heart hurt, and the more I wanted to just turn around and go back. But I couldn’t.
I got home and entered my room and started crying. I cried myself to sleep and I keep crying and don’t want to get out of bed today. It’s only been a day since I saw him and the distance is already getting me really depressed.
What should I do???
– Eddi
Dear Eddi,
I think it’s very positive that he was honest with you. Two months, realistically, is very fast and it does put a lot of pressure both on the relationship and on him (because you are moving for him and as flattering as that is, it is also stressful.)
I feel that you should wait patiently, go for long walks in nature, look for work in his area and spend time with friends and family you might have neglected/ won’t be seeing as much once you move.
If you absolutely can’t do the distance, then you need to look into moving to his town/city but living on your own or in a share house instead of moving in with him.
Dear Miss U,
I recently started seeing a lovely, fun, honest and really sexy younger guy from Europe. He was here in Australia in my hometown for work for a month. He had to leave but we had both fallen for each other by then. Now he is trying to get a job transfer here, but we knew each other for such a short time in person and now its reached the point where we have spent more time apart than together. Trying to deepen our connection is hard to do over such a distance. The other biggest issue is the time difference (8 hrs) we can’t have the regular Skype dinner dates etc and we can only Skype on the weekends. Otherwise we just keep in touch on Whatsapp.
My question is, how can I get to really know him better and improve our connection before he moves here, with such a big time difference (not to mention the age difference of 6 years)?
Australia – Europe
Dear A – E,
Just because you can’t talk in real time doesn’t mean you can’t have in-depth communication. I highly recommend long emails and asking lots of interesting questions (there are books full of questions if you ever run out of ideas). Sharing pictures of your every-day lives can also be fun, as can small romantic gestures in the mail.
You can include each other in your social circle, passions and general life by writing about them, perhaps in a shared private blog, or if you’re more confident, by making video logs and sending them to each other via Dropbox or another similar program.
The key is not to worry about being “lame” or “corny” and just doing what you need to do to feel connected.
As long as you keep talking and you’re both honest, there’s no reason you can’t improve your connection despite the distance and time difference. Attraction is very much a thing of the mind, and the mind doesn’t need proximity.
Lastly, talk to him about the ways you best express yourselves. Some people can capture a feeling and share it with art, poetry, photography or even beautifully complex mathematical equations I will never understand. Some like to hand craft gifts, others make embarrassing but romantic public statements. Whatever works for you, do that. Share that. Share yourselves.
You’ll see how easy and even fun it really can be.
