Dear Miss U,
I’ll just try to keep it short 🙁 Sometimes I doubt he love me back. We don’t talk much and he can’t even text me like once a month. He says he’s busy with school. Though I think he could make time for me If he really loved me.. I doubt a little bit but truly hope he loves me back. Is it okay that he texts me once a week or twice a month? I also wanted to send him a letter and I asked him to give me his address but he quickly changed the subject. Though at first he said he loves the idea so much but then he changed the subject and didn’t give me the address. Maybe he’s really busy with school and I shouldn’t worry about it? I really need your help 🙁
Kris
Dear Kris,
Let me make sure I read that right; you’ve been together two years but the only contact you have is a text once or twice a fortnight?
I’m sorry, but that’s not good enough and you deserve better. How can you have a relationship when there’s basically zero contact? No matter how busy he is, he could make time is he wanted to. He could text from the loo if he was really so hard-up for free time! (Ok, I’m mostly joking there, but you get the idea!)
Now, he might think he loves you. He might even say he does. But he isn’t showing it and more importantly, you aren’t feeling it. I would recommend not wasting any more of your precious life on this guy, you will thank yourself for it later.
Dear Miss U,
My boyfriend and I are both in our junior year of high school and we dated for about 5 months before I had to move. We have now been dating for 8 months. I have been away from him for only three months, but it keeps getting harder. I thought that time would make it easier, but it hasn’t.
I love him very dearly, but every day I question if it will even work. I also question if I’m wasting my time. We are only in high school after all, and we will not go to the same college, so what’s the point? Normally, I’d never do LD in the first place, but I have such a deep connect with him and I just can’t let go. We Facetime every night and text all day and we never get bored of each other. He always talks about a future with me and how he’ll never give up on us. I don’t want to give up but I just have no many doubts because I’m so young and I can’t plan the future so far ahead!
Also, I have family that lives near him, so I do visit sometimes. My parents love him and they let me see him for a short time, but they’re also very realistic thinkers and they do not think it will work. My boyfriend’s parents do believe it’ll work. Every time I see him, it’s like I never left and everything is perfect. It’s just very confusing on what to do! Should I keep fighting for it to work, or am I wasting my time? Please help!
Alexis
Dear Alexis,
I don’t know the statistics, but I’m pretty sure most high-school relationships don’t make it. There’s a lot to make it through, after all, even discounting distance. But that doesn’t mean those relationships aren’t important or real or worth it. It certainly doesn’t mean they are a waste of time. A successful relationship isn’t necessarily just one that ends with the death of one person after years of marriage.
For example, if one couple stays married until death but they hate each other and are desperately unhappy, how can we call that a success? Wouldn’t a couple who had years of happiness and then an amiable divorce be closer to that goal?
And so, if “forever” isn’t the only way a relationship can “work,” that frees us up to make the most of our relationships in the here and now.
What’s the point? To me the point is about finding someone who is so special you want to change your plans a little to make sure they are included. Kissing some frogs so you know which ones are potential princes. Beyond that, the point is learning and self-development. We’re not instinctively born knowing how to make a long-term relationship thrive, we learn it. And sometimes what we think we want in a relationship isn’t what we actually need or enjoy – a bit of experience in our teens helps us figure it all out, hopefully while we still have the protection and support of our parents/guardians.
All in all, I’d recommend sticking it out and if you put in enough effort and you both want each other badly enough who knows what will happen?
Comments 1
I agree with the first one… Please leave the guy he doesn't deserve you at all. I am in an LDR with my gf and she is super busy but always take the time to text and skype me. That is horrible getting only one or two text a night a week a month .., I go to college too and I am busy up the butt… and I take the time to text my gf whenever possible because I love her very much. If he loves you like what Miss U said then he would have had the time to even text during the loo.. (I know I do all the time. )