Dear Miss U,
I’m in love with Jake, but he lives over 2000 miles away from me. People say that I’m too young to know what love is. I might not know what it is, but I know what it isn’t. It is not flirting, crushing and passing notes. Nor is it shyly wandering around each other at a dance because you’re too nervous to actually go up to them. It is not “liking” someone (a term I hear way too much in the run of a day). The way I feel for him is warm. It’s like his smile is the sun and I’d do anything to make it rise every single morning. I don’t know what it is, but from the day we met he was able to make me feel good about myself, a nearly impossible task with my low self esteem. We can carry on true in depth conversations for hours and hours. We know each others lives like they are our own. At almost two years now, our only severe arguments have been over our lack of seeing each other. I will admit I have never felt this way about anyone before. It wasn’t until we met for the first time in person that I realized this was who I was going to be with for the rest of my life. Sounds stupid right? How can a 16-year-old possibly know who she’s going to be with forever. She hasn’t been with anyone but him, doesn’t know a world outside of his, can’t POSSIBLY be in love. “Puppy love” my mom calls it. It offends me when she says that, as if what I’m feeling is only a faze that I’ll grow out of. Is it true? With the distance between us, I try not to let it bother me, but it does. Please help us.
– A teen’s heart
Greetings Heart,
Isn’t it funny, when you say you love your parents or siblings, no one questions you or says “No you don’t, you don’t know what love is” but all of a sudden when it’s a romantic interest you’re “too young for it to be real”. Just a thought.
That aside, the chemicals in your brain are not actually fully developed yet. The person you are now and the people you love, the qualities you are attracted to all might change as those chemicals shift. That’s science, and nothing we can control.
A lot of people look back on their first love and say “I didn’t know what love was”. Then there are also the people who married their first love and never looked back. The experience is different for everyone.
Realistically you don’t know who you will be with forever. No one knows that, even people who have been married 20 years don’t know 100% for sure that they will stay together. That’s how it is sadly.
I can’t tell you if your love is real, and no one else really has the right to either. All you can do is accept how you feel now, and enjoy it.
Dear Miss U,
My Husband and I use Skype every day to communicate but sometimes it can get boring, what can you suggest that will keep me excited to talk. He is not into word games like I am and sometimes only wants to discuss really deep issues… this can just make it all so heavy… I need to lighten it up. It feels like a task to stay online sometimes….. help me.
– Far Far Away and Bored
Thanks for writing in.
It’s hard to not get bored when it seems like there are not many options. Have you read through the list of things to do on this site? I’d certainly start there.
That aside, is there a way where you can free yourself from the computer? Maybe get the Skype app for your phone and that way you can potter around your house or cook dinner while you talk. You could even watch telly together if you’re in the same time zone. Do you have a favorite comic or something light-hearted you can share with him? Maybe a series of books you can both read and discuss? If in doubt there’s always sex – a light-hearted fun conversation topic 😛
There are also progressive dare games for couples that you can buy online in adult stores. You could talk and laugh about your challenges.
Good luck!
