Dear Miss U,
I’m not interested in getting “intimate” with him through the computer or maybe even in person. I don’t know what it means to lose interest in him sexually. We’ve been together for more than 3 years and we meet each other about once a year, so I thought this might contribute to how I’m feeling. But maybe there’s something more to it than just not being able to meet as often as we should? [read more]
Being Completely Cut-Off After a Break-Up
Dear Miss U,
This is technically not a *relationship* anymore so I’m not sure if you can help – I wrote to you a couple of months ago about my boyfriend moving away (It’s OK not to be OK) and you replied (thank you!) but one day too late. I got overwhelmed and he broke up with me. He said that he was not happy anymore but that he didn’t think he could give me what I needed. I realize now that I was asking for more than I needed and was being selfish, but I have no way to tell him that I was wrong and that he had been giving me what I needed. Actually, now he really isn’t. I thought we weren’t talking enough before but now he has refused to talk to me for the last 6 weeks and I realize how much that was! [read more]
Expectations
Dear Miss U,
My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for over three years, long distance the entire time. We’ve seen each other 5 times and this winter I’m going to visit him from December 20th to January 2nd. He just told me that he’s taking his brother to a football game on December 30th. On the one hand, I totally understand the need to spend time with his brother, since my boyfriend goes to college a state away from his brother so they don’t see each other a lot either. On the other hand, this week and a half is the last one we’re going to have because we’re not going to see each other for a year after that, and he is going to see his brother in that year. Am I right to be upset about him leaving me at his home even though he’s spending time with his brother? [read more]
Don’t Ever Give Up
Dear Miss U,
… I’m ashamed to say that my boyfriend and I were having problems in our relationship. One night I “broke up” with him. It was more of a break, and only lasted 10 days. My boyfriend wanted to move back with me but had to downgrade his car. This meant he couldn’t live with me, so that’s how we became long distance. At first, it was okay, because he would still come to visit on the weekends. But, my dad never actually liked my boyfriend. So one day while my boyfriend was sleeping over, my dad yelled at him to leave and shoved my mom, who was trying to defend us, into a door. These past few months have been hell. We rarely get to see each other anymore. I’ve been trying to get out of this situation, living with friends, other family, applying for jobs. But nothing works. I don’t see things getting better soon. What am I supposed to do? Every day feels wrong without him. I can’t just cope with this forever. [read more]
Drop In Communication | When Parents Disapprove of Boyfriend
Dear Miss U,
When I first started dating my SO, my parents didn’t like that I was dating him because he lived in another city in our state. Now that we’re dating again, I’m afraid to tell my parents we’re dating because they don’t like him because of some things he’s posted on his Facebook. I don’t know what to do because my mom keeps asking me what I’m doing after graduation and I want to move to the town he lives in because I’m going to the college there. I’ve been avoiding telling her that I’m going to live with him until I go to college due to a gap year. How should I tell them I’m dating him and get them to accept my relationship with him? [read more]
A Christmas Pickle
Dear Miss U,
Before my boyfriend found me, he was planning on a trip to South Africa to pursue his dream career where his parents were from. Well, he saved enough for the initial part of it and now he has run across an unexpected snag and needs help financially. Albeit he didn’t like asking me and now feels like a burden but I was his last hope. So of course because I love him I have been helping him. If I mention to coworkers or friends about my dilemma they’d assume he was a scammer – I’ve already been accused of this. Well, we are on the last hurdle of the financial pickle and I want him back in the same country as me before Christmas but I have to save up for gifts for the season and everything. I don’t know what I should do; finish helping him or what? [read more]
Depression in a Long Distance Relationship
Dear Miss U,
My girlfriend and I have just begun a 2 year LDR. I moved to the US to do a masters and she is in UK finishing her undergrad. Before we got together she was very depressed, locking herself away for days at a time, not eating, and feeling as though there was no positivity in her life; she nearly dropped out of school. The year we were together she was always happy, positive, and we planned our future together. Now that I am here she seems depressed again. She finally went to the doctors and they prescribed her pills. But that same doctor has previously misdiagnosed friends and family, and she was prescribed pills primarily because the waiting list for counseling is too long – she is unwilling to take the pills. She has recently made the decision to take a year off and focus on herself. I am so pleased she is doing this, but she refuses to go back to the doctors saying that it is pointless and the only thing that will make her happy is when I am back in the UK. How can I make her want to get better and find happiness in things other than me? [read more]
Fighting Low Morale
Dear Miss U,
I’m from the UK and he lives in South Africa. We are in love and have spent so much time flying to each other and spending time together. It’s been amazing. But the last few months haven’t. I was so busy with work that I neglected him and didn’t give him attention or my free time. He got drunk and needy and cheated on me. I forgave him, not right away. But I did. We saw each other since and I got insecure and upset. He felt terrible as well. We were so good and secure before all this happened, we were both devastated. Being apart since has been rough. He has a new job and hardly has any time and I’ve given him a rough time about it. We talked and he explained how guilty he feels. Like he is the worst boyfriend in the world and feels I deserve more. He says he wants to put time into us to try and recover but he physically can’t. He works 5am-9pm non-stop every day. We struggle with signal and when we can talk he’s so exhausted he passes out. He feels his lifestyle will prevent us from working things out and he is so low and frustrated. I have turned into the positive preacher, but can’t seem to get through to him that we can overcome this low point and now I’m frustrated… [read more]
Do you have what it takes?
Dear Miss U,
I’ve known this boy since I was 14 years old (18 now). Over this past summer, we fell in love and decided to pursue a relationship. The only kicker? I’ve been set to go off to a prestigious university, 700 miles away from home, which I just did a few days ago. It feels like my heart has been torn to shreds – despite the fact that we both agreed to make it work, and I’ll see him on my breaks and a few times more, it still feels like I can’t breathe when I think of him. I miss him, I miss home, and I don’t know what to do to make it better. I know I don’t want to end things with him, but I wonder if I’m hurting both of us more in the long run by trying to make it work… [read more]
Bust those buns!
Dear Miss U,
For quite some time, we have been feeling numb towards each other. Neither of us wants to break up but we don’t feel “in-love” again. We are tired of the distance and we think it’s because of the distance we are limited on how we spend time together (more than just Skype). We plan to close the distance in 2-3 years’ time as we have much to improve on our careers and we are planning to settle down elsewhere, not in either of our countries. But we have been feeling tired and we talked and decided many times to try to work it out but we come back to the same topic… [read more]